I’m sure you do not remember the day we met. You were a rare gift presented to me. I stood awed in your presence. My mind was in a turmoil as I pondered what magic I could work to make you mine.

Your image is etched on my heart. I fell madly in love. Then I chastised myself for being so foolish. How could I fall in love at a glance?

Reason no longer lingers in my soul. I am unable to erase your face from my mind. You fill my head during the day and then fill my dreams at night. I have no rest as my heart seeks to be joined with yours.

Give me hope and tell me that I too have haunted your thoughts.

Your admirer from afar, who dreams of your love.

Three years. That’s a long time. Didn’t seemed to notice it go by. But here I am, three years later. The only difference is I am no longer in the army and have fewer friends.

I always knew it would come down to this. People will get busy with their individual lives and friends start to look like distant memories. We humans are emotional creatures. We cling on to our private moments and secretly wish we never gotten older or be swallowed by the meaninglessness of the adult world. But here we are, three years later. A little older and still looking for someone to take our hand and guide us in life.

You will never be anybody
You will never make any money
You are fat
You are ugly
No one will ever love you
You are a loser

Somehow I get the feeling that after this year, I will not be seeing many of my friends ever again.

So this is how I lose my friends. Might as well get used to it.

Concerning dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.

I think there is more to life than this.

I am not as happy as I want to be.

I can use affirmations and self deception techniques to lie to myself and act as if there is nothing wrong with my world.

But the truth, oh yes, people like me are always seeking the truth, know that the world is indeed a fucked up place where there are people leeching over other people’s hard work and success.

I hate these kinds of people. No use bitching, if you want something you got to go and get it yourself.

It’s funny. I seem to know all that I need to know to be successful but here I am utterly frightened about my future, the mere thought that I am going to be working for someone for the rest of my life is the most depressing thought of all.

I want more. More than what I have. It’s not greed, and who are you to judge what I can and cannot have. I am putting an end to this fear once and for all, I am going to do all the things I have always wanted to do.

I will not succumb to poverty and let others decide what’s good for me. I am going to take charge. I am not going to dwell on the past nor worry about the future.

I am the present and I want to live.